I emailed quite a few people today to get addresses for Christmas cards. Many of them had the same question, "How are you guys doing?" That's a hard question to answer. How am I doing? It kinda depends on the day. Although it's much better than it was a few months ago!!!
A few months ago everyone was at each others throats. Life was really hard. The kids were miserable in most aspects of the word. They missed home and everything they had come to know and love in their lifetime had changed. It was hot everywhere they went. Hotter than anything I've ever experienced. Imagine.......a 130 degree sauna.......We were also in much closer quarters at home with no yard to play in and no personal space. Not to mention it was WAY too hot to play outside. They also learned what it was like to be the minority in school and school was different. Different kids, different expectations, different rules, and different curriculum. We didn't know anyone and there was not really a sign that it that would be changing anytime soon. They all wanted to go home and I didn't blame them. Hailey even threatened to go live with Grandma because she didn't have to live here. Only we (Mom and Dad) did.
I was so tired all the time. I couldn't go anywhere to escape the heat unless it was a store or the library. But, that was a short break from the heat. Even just sitting I'd be soaking wet and sticky. I'd get off the phone and water would literally be running down my face and the phone. It was 90 in the house when we went to bed and about 88 when we woke up. Add to the heat, 100% humidity, and the real heat index told us it 'felt like' 120 to 140 degrees in our house all the time. It was miserable. I also couldn't go anywhere and feel comfortable. Everything was new. I had no comfort zone. I couldn't even feel comfortable driving down the road. People drive differently here. I felt ok if I was in a tourist area. I was a tourist in my mind.
Then came groceries and other necessities. The closest Walmart was about 50 minutes away. But, this Walmart has a very small grocery store so I have to drive an hour and 15 minutes to really get what I need. Sure, I could go to the grocery store in Laie and spend $12 dollars for a box of cereal and a gallon of milk. No thanks! I didn't really know anyone...it was just us. Everything we did was so hard. Getting the kids registered, getting our state ID's, anything involving paperwork was so much work and when you move there's a lot of paperwork. The kids came home from school with a manila envelope packed full of papers to fill out. Remember, I had already registered them!!! Such a pain.
Back to the home situation. Bo was always there for me and thankfully one of us was doing ok. But, our home was pure madness and I could not get control of anything or anyone there. I couldn't figure out what to feed this family of ours and I love cooking. We'd just go to Costco and get anything easy. I am not a cry er...but I was crying all the time. It takes a lot to hurt my feelings....but I was offended so easily. The kids were even hurting my feelings. I've never felt that. People were offending me every Sunday at Church. Church was so hard. I felt the most homesick while I was there. I missed our ward and friends. I felt like I was failing in everything I attempted to do. I was actually at my worst when General Conference weekend came. I fasted to seek comfort and when Elder Holland gave his talk it really hit home. I have a special place in my heart for him. I've read a few of his books and he's really quite amazing. So, when I heard his talk it helped a bit.
Bo left that night to take the boys to a football game. I decided to pray. I'd done that often since we'd gotten here but I told myself I was going to lay it all out there and really beg for some help. I felt a bit better. Probably more from the crying than anything else. The next couple of days were really hard. Then Tuesday came. It was my day to go to the temple. I couldn't wait. I needed some peace even if it was for a short time.
As I went through the temple and listened to what was taught something jumped out at me that I'd never understood before and instantly all of that pain and sorrow I'd been feeling was gone. I suddenly became fine with the fact that we are here and knew I could handle this new place. Everything was going to be fine. The downward spiral I was going through was over. It's been an upward spiral since. At times when I'm having a hard time and feeling homesick or struggling with parenting the kids I can feel an inkling of that horrible feeling coming back. But thanks to our Savior I can get help and get rid myself of those feelings quickly. I think I had to go through all of that to be humbled and realize, I can't live life on my own. Well, I can but I'm not very good at it.
So, how are we doing? Better. Much better. The temperature has gone down to be very pleasant and so have tempers. We've made friends. We have a pretty happy home again and I made my first menu for the month. I am excited to get to the store to buy the food and start cooking dinner again. Life isn't totally back to normal. But I've truly learned when we seek guidance from the Lord he gives it. He helps us when we ask. We are growing and stretching in ways that we wouldn't have if we'd stayed in Rigby. I like the thought of that. That's why we're here. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.
